


Gestures of Trust

by roryteller



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sparring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:10:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6423421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roryteller/pseuds/roryteller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Alex takes a risk for Astra's sake, a sparring session turns into something else and the two of them finally stop dancing around the thing that's been growing between them. Torture tag for references to canon events in chapter 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Alex was allowed to remove the kryptonite bracelet from Astra's arm after she betrayed her armies was at the DEO.

To be precise, it was in the kryptonite training room, and she was only allowed to do it because Kara was waiting at the DEO command center in case Astra made a break for it.

Alex was pretty sure Astra wouldn't, but there was no way anyone else at the DEO would have agreed to it otherwise.

What she didn't tell them was that she wasn't planning to activate the kryptonite emitters immediately upon removing the bracelet. She didn't even tell Astra that much.

Alex's fingers brushed Astra's wrist as she moved to unlock the bracelet, accidentally on purpose lingering there a moment longer than necessary. Astra's eyes met hers, and pre-DEO, that look would have had her blushing. Instead, she held Astra's gaze for a moment before finally turning to the task at hand.

They'd had more and more such moments over the last few weeks, and Alex couldn't decide if Astra really was attracted to her or if her mind was playing tricks on her. _I haven't dated much since undergrad, after all._

Not letting her emotions show on her face, Alex unlocked the bracelet and stowed it carefully in a lead-lined case that would block its effects.

According to regulations, she should have been turning on the emitters as soon as she shut the case, before the effects of the kryptonite had time to wear off.

Instead, in a foolish gesture of trust that could cost her her job if anyone found out, or even her life if Astra were so inclined, she waited a full minute, long enough by her calculations for the effects to wear off almost completely.

She was tense, sure, ready to jam the button on the remote if Astra so much as twitched funny, and sure, she kept her eyes on Astra the entire time, but that was as much to gauge Astra's reaction as to check for a threat. Alex wanted to see if Astra realized what she was doing.

About thirty seconds in, Alex saw Astra's brows draw together minutely and her eyes flick to the remote in Alex's hand. Maybe she was wondering if she'd missed Alex pushing the button, but Alex was willing to bet that Astra already felt stronger, more alive. Kara had once described low-level kryptonite exposure as a mild irritant, something like a scratchy seam or a faint beeping sound... barely noticeable until it was gone.

To cover her ruse, in case someone was watching, Alex spoke aloud. “I understand your hesitation, but Kara went through the same training when she started here.”

Astra met Alex's eye, and suddenly Alex knew that she knew. That she appreciated it. “On the contrary. I am simply glad to have that accursed bracelet off, even if it is only for a short time.” She rubbed her wrist, as if for emphasis.

Alex nodded, and carefully set down the bracelet with its case outside the ring, using the movement to cover that she was only then turning on the emitters. She stepped into the ring, taking up a fighting stance. “Are you ready?”

As Alex had expected, Astra was a more polished fighter than Kara, even without her powers. Her guard was solid and she wasted little movement. But...

In a variation on an aikido throw, Alex used Astra's own momentum against her, throwing her to the floor.

The wind knocked out of her, Astra coughed a couple of times. She allowed Alex to help her up, a mix of respect and irritation on her face.

“Without your powers, you misjudge your speed,” said Alex.

“It has been a long time since I have felt this slow while fighting,” replied Astra. “But I won't make the same mistake again.”

And she didn't. She blocked or dodged every hit Alex aimed at her, and gave as good as she got. Soon, Alex was out of breath.

It was a great workout, and Alex found herself relaxing into it, grinning as she looked for her next opening. Even Astra looked like she might be enjoying herself.

Just as Alex thought she was going to land a punch on Astra, it was Astra who knocked her feet out from under her and pinned her, face-first, to the floor. Alex gasped at the impact as she hit the mat.

And instead of letting Alex up, Astra lingered, twisting Alex's arm against her back in such a way that it would be difficult for her to stand.

Alex felt strands of Astra's long hair brush her face, and twisted her head to see Astra leaning over her, very close indeed. Close enough that Alex felt Astra's breath on her face as she whispered, “Thank you, Alex.” Soft lips brushed Alex's check, as though hesitating to kiss her, drawing with them a wave of pleasant anticipation.

But before she could find out if Astra really was planning to kiss her, the door flew open and Kara ran inside, losing speed as the kryptonite took effect.

Astra let go immediately, and Alex pushed herself upright, raising her hands in a placating gesture.

“I'm fine, everything's fine.” She glanced at Astra, who probably felt hurt by this lack of trust, but her face was perfectly composed.

“I'm sorry, I just... when I saw you on the monitors I... I guess it brought back bad memories,” said Kara. “I'll, um, leave you to it.”

“Kara-” said Alex, but Kara was already heading out the door. _We're going to have to talk about that later._

But for the time being, she raised her guard again. “Want to keep going?”

Astra answered with a hard right hook that told Alex more of her frustration than she would say in words. Alex blocked it, and even with the kryptonite it smarted, but she danced backwards and waited for Astra's next move.

It came soon enough, an attempt at a grab, that Alex turned into a throw, so that this time she was on top of Astra, pinning her to the floor.

“Fight with your head, not your heart,” she said, as she let Astra up.

But instead of standing, Astra pulled Alex down with her, and flipped her over so that Alex was on her back, with Astra on top, kneeling over her so that their bodies nearly touched. “You trust too easily, Agent.”

Alex reached up to touch the lock of white hair that hung near her face, threading her fingers in it almost tenderly, then closed her hand around it and _pulled._

“And you leave too many openings,” said Alex, watching Astra grimace in pain.

Astra seized Alex's hand, forcing her fingers open, then pushed it down to the floor, whispering, “Only for you, Alex.” Astra was almost lying on top of Alex now, and the whole situation felt entirely too suggestive.

_Wow. Okay. We're doing this. We're really doing this._ _We're really flirting... in a room full of cameras._ Alex suddenly needed Astra off of her before either of them could get any more ideas, so she tapped the floor, twice.

Astra frowned down at her, not moving.

“When someone taps out like that, it means they want you to let go,” explained Alex.

“Oh.” Astra rolled off of Alex and to her feet.

Alex stood too, a little less gracefully. “I think I'm going to hit the showers,” she said. _Cold showers, preferably._ “Which means the bracelet is going back on.”

Astra nodded and rolled up her sleeve while Alex retrieved the bracelet. She hit the controls for the kryptonite emitters again, but didn't dare wait quite as long before putting on the bracelet, lest their watchers notice. Still, she took her sweet time extracting it from its box and locking it on Astra's wrist, to give her a few more seconds of freedom.

With the bracelet secured, Astra rolled her sleeve back down. “I think I will take a shower as well.”

_She doesn't mean what I think she means, does she?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astra and Alex move to the locker room, and Alex tries to figure out Astra's intentions towards her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Torture tag added for the reference to canon torture.

Kryptonians had a way of turning Alex's life upside down, and she was beginning to get the sense that Astra was about to do it to her again.

It wasn't unusual to shower with other people in the room, but normally everyone was in the habit of ignoring each other. If, though, they were lucky enough to be alone, it was one of the few places where the DEO didn't have cameras, and Alex didn't think they would be the first ones to take advantage of that.

But then again, maybe she was reading too much into it.

The locker room was deserted, though probably not for long. Alex grabbed her toiletries from her locker and plopped down on the battered wooden bench in front of it to take off her shoes. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Astra doing much the same thing on the opposite bench.

Alex wanted to ask questions. She wanted to ask where they were going with this, what Astra wanted from her, what she saw in her. Sometimes there was this strange complicity between them, this connection, the beginnings of trust, perhaps.

The beginnings of lust? Almost certainly.

But sometimes Alex couldn't help but remember that they had been enemies, though all of the wounds they had given each other had long since healed and neither carried visible scars.

So she bit her tongue and pulled off her shoes and socks, tugged her shirt over her head, then her sports bra, stowing everything neatly in her locker. Dispassionate. Military. As though her former enemy wasn't doing the same thing across the room.

As though a gorgeous woman wasn't doing the same thing across the room.

As though, Alex reminded herself, _Kara's aunt_ wasn't doing the same thing across the room.

Alex stood, pulled down her pants, stepped out of them. Did the same for her underwear. Work-a-day underwear, briefs worn for comfort, not sex appeal. Clothes, into the locker. Towel, over her shoulder. Shampoo, soap. Past Astra, towards the showers, _don't look, don't look_. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw that the other woman was standing by her open locker, almost naked.

Alex didn't look directly, but in her mind's eye she saw those brown-and-white curls tumbling down muscular shoulders. Less muscular than before, perhaps, after these weeks of forced inactivity, only leaving the DEO with an escort armed with kryptonite weapons, and then only when her intel was needed.

Alex hadn't told Astra, but now, after the defeat of Non, she was pushing for fewer restrictions. House arrest in the city, perhaps. A window with sunlight.

Astra's hair splayed across Alex's pillow.

Alex was glad she had learned to hide her emotions as she hung up her towel near the showers and set out soap and shampoo on the little shelf below the shower head.

The showers were arranged around poles, four per pole, each pointing in a different direction. If Astra picked one on the other side of the room, it would be easy to ignore her. If, on the other hand, she picked one of the showers next to Alex...

Completely unperturbed by their mutual nakedness, Astra picked the shower to Alex's right.

Alex ignored her and turned on the water.

But ignoring Astra proved more difficult than she had expected when Astra let out a little sigh of relief as she turned on her own shower, and Alex found herself glancing over at her, following the water with her eyes as it streamed down Astra's face, over her neck and between her breasts. She hadn't lost much muscle after all, and Alex found herself envying Kryptonian metabolisms, not for the first time, even as she imagined running her hands over that smooth skin, putting her mouth to those breasts...

Alex tore her eyes away, tamping down on the coil of arousal that was forming in her belly before it could spread. She grabbed her shampoo and squirted a big dollop onto her hand, then rubbed it furiously into her hair.

When she finally washed away the soap and dared to look up again, she saw that Astra was watching her.

Watching the scar on her arm, more precisely. Alex covered it with one hand, reflexively. Meeting Astra's eyes, Alex could tell that she wanted to ask.

But she didn't, so after a moment Alex decided to just tell her.

“I've had this scar since I was kid.” It was the second oldest of her scars, after the one she still had from a skinned knee when she was seven. “When Kara first got here, she didn't really get that she had to keep a low profile. So when she saw a car crash, she ran towards it.”

Astra nodded, smiling a little hesitantly. “Sounds just like her.”

Alex picked up her soap, lathering up as she organized her thoughts. “And I was dumb enough to run after her. She saved the people in the car, but when it exploded, a piece of the wreckage hit me. I think that's the real reason she didn't do that again for years. Not because my dad gave her this big lecture on secrecy, but because she blamed herself for me getting hurt.”

“And yet you keep running after her.” There was no judgment in Astra's tone, merely a flat statement of fact, accompanied by a look that, on anyone else, Alex might have described as soft. But somehow it seemed wrong to ascribe such a quality to this proud alien warrior.

“I do.” With one finger, Alex traced the scar that cut across her ribs, given to her by an alien on one of her first DEO missions, long before Kara became Supergirl. “And of course the reason she revealed herself as Supergirl was to save me. I was on that plane, you know.”

“I did not know.” Astra was silent for a moment, her eyes sad. “I have missed so much. At the time, I thought my cause worth the sacrifice, but now...”

“You still have time. We... still have time.” Alex's instincts were telling her to shut up, or to run... their words were making her feel more vulnerable than her nudity ever could, now. She sighed, suddenly tired of dancing around things. “Astra, what are we doing?”

“What do you mean?” Astra pushed her wet hair out of her eyes with one hand, the bracelet glowing green on her wrist.

“What was that, in the training room? Before Kara interrupted? What do you want from me? From us? Is there an... us?”

For a few moments Astra didn't reply, letting the water flow over her, staring off somewhere in the distance.

“There... could be,” said Astra as she shut off her shower with a decisive twist of her hand. She stepped closer to Alex, just outside the spray. “Do you want me to finish what I started?”

As she said it, she took another step towards Alex, close enough that Alex could feel the warmth radiating off of her skin, and suddenly Alex had to be touching her, couldn't not reach out for her as her own body heated up in response, in spite of the little voice in her head yelling that this was a bad idea, that she would regret it.

Alex told the little voice to shut up and pulled Astra to her, her body slick and hot as it molded itself to Alex's, and then their lips touched and Astra was impossibly soft against her, soft but wanting, urgent, as though they really might not have much time at all.

And then Astra pushed Alex back, one step, then two, and pinned her against the wall. The tile was smooth and cool against Alex's back, and she shivered involuntarily, but she didn't stay cold for long as Astra pushed a thigh up between her legs. Astra pulled back as Alex gave another shudder.

“Too much?” Her voice was low, a little breathless, and it seemed to whisper across Alex's skin, drawing the heat of her center through her body.

“Not enough,” whispered Alex, and darted in to kiss Astra on the neck, hard.

But Astra let out a sharp little cry and tapped out against the wall before pulling away.

“What's wrong?”

“Old scars,” said Astra, rubbing at the spot with a grimace.

“Is that where...” _where that bastard Lane tortured you?_

“Yes. It healed, but sometimes it still hurts.”

 _Damnit._ Rage boiled in Alex's veins at the memory of Astra's pain. Even as an enemy, she hadn't deserved that. But she pushed that aside in favor of making sure she was okay in the here and now. “Do you mind if I have a look at it? I am a doctor, you know.”

“I... very well. But we should dry off first.”

Alex shut off the shower and toweled off, then headed back to her locker and dressed in a hurry, cursing herself for ruining the moment.

Astra had dressed as well, leaving the top of her shirt unbuttoned, and was sitting on a bench.

“I had imagined us heading back to my lab, but if you'd rather do this here...”

Astra nodded and pushed her still-damp hair out of the way.

Alex sat, straddling the bench. “I'm going to touch your neck, see if I can feel anything. Tell me if it hurts.” She gently tipped Astra's chin back and lightly probed just under her chin, about where she'd kissed Astra before.

Astra hissed with pain as Alex pressed lightly on a lump under the surface of her skin, confirming her suspicions.

“There's nothing visible, but I can feel a bit of scar tissue under here,” said Alex, smoothing over the spot with one fingertip before pulling away. “I would guess that either there's some trace amount of kryptonite remaining, in which case we might be able to get it out, or that due to your constant exposure to it, you healed badly, in which case you're probably stuck like this. Most likely it's the latter, otherwise you would probably have experienced ongoing pain or weakness. If you let me run some tests, I can probably find out for sure...” They'd gotten good at detecting kryptonite over the years, needing a source for their weapons, so if she could rig up a more fine-tuned sensor...

“If you wish. It seldom bothers me.”

Alex raised her eyebrows. “Next time you're in pain, tell me. Or tell someone, anyway. I know you hate to show weakness, but whatever we are to each other... we aren't enemies anymore.”

“No, we're not. You made that abundantly clear earlier.” Astra's gray eyes met hers, and she had the sensation, not for the first time, that she could fall into them.

“So did you,” said Alex, smirking a little.

Astra shook her head and took Alex's hand in hers. “Kissing is one thing, but trust for someone who's hurt you in the past? That was brave.”

 _Oh. That_.“Or stupid. Not to mention against regulations.” But Alex smiled, her heart a little lighter.

“It is fortunate that you are not under my command, then, because I would feel obligated to disapprove.”

Alex gave Astra's hand a squeeze. “Listen, I don't want you to get your hopes up, because I might not manage it, but I've been trying to convince the higher-ups to let you move out of the DEO. You'd still be under surveillance, but even house arrest has got to be better than the quarters here.” She let go of Astra's hand then, and impulsively buttoned the other woman's shirt the rest of the way.

Astra let her, her eyes wide. “Do you really think they will agree to that?”

“I don't know. In order to convince them, though, we need to keep this—our relationship, whatever you want to call it—under wraps for the moment. We can't have them questioning my impartiality.”

Astra gave a tight nod. “Of course not. But we can still spar.” Her eyes danced, as though promising a trade of more than blows.

Alex grinned. “I'd like that.”


	3. Blackmail and Bribes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex visits Kara and they talk about Astra. Warning: mention of past emotional abuse (by OC).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's at least two more chapters in this fic, but I'm hesitant to put an exact number until they're closer to completion, after the way some of my other fics have grown past my original plans for them.

Alex picked up a tub of rocky road ice cream on her way to Kara's place.

Kara eyed the ice cream suspiciously as she let Alex in. “That isn't a bribe, is it?”

Alex shrugged. “Sort of? We should probably talk about today.” She stepped past Kara into the kitchen and stowed it in the freezer.

“You don't need to bribe me just to talk. Unless something happened that I don't know about?”

_Maybe she won't freak? I hope she doesn't freak._ “Maybe we can sit down first?”

“Okay, now you're scaring me,” said Kara, but she plopped down onto the couch.

Alex joined her. “What I'm about to tell you stays between us, okay?”

“...okay.” But Kara looked uncertain, her hands twisting at the fabric of her shirt for want of glasses to fidget with.

“Especially don't tell anyone at the DEO. You'll see why when I tell you.”

“Fine, but tell me already!”

_Where do I start..._ “Kara, when you came in, when we were training, what did it look like we were doing?”

“I don't know! But when I saw her on top of you on the monitors I panicked! I'm sorry, but my first instinct is always going to be to protect you.”

“Kara, it's fine, I'm not mad at you. Astra might be, but...” Alex sighed. “The point is, I don't think you need to protect me from her anymore.”

Kara crossed her arms over her chest. “I know she's been helping us these last few weeks, but is there something else you're not telling me?”

“I took a big risk today. When I took off the kryptonite bracelet, I didn't turn on the emitters right away.”

Kara frowned. “How long did you leave them off, exactly?”

“About a minute. Not long enough for her to be back at full strength, but enough for her to be a lot stronger than me. If she had wanted to hurt me, she could have. Maybe even escaped from the DEO. And she realized it, but she didn't even try.”

Kara frowned. “But... why?”

Alex needed to calm the mix of hurt and anger on Kara's face, now. “I thought I could trust her, but I needed to know for sure. And... maybe it's silly, but I wanted her to know I trusted her. Kara, when you walked in on us she was thanking me. She... she was about to kiss me.”

“She WHAT? Like, on the lips?” Kara's expression shifted from angry to grossed out.

Alex nodded. “We... talked about it afterward. There's been something... I mean, we've been dancing around this for a while now, but I didn't want to tell you in case it was just my imagination. And because I was pretty sure you would make that face.”

“What, the oh-gross-my-sister-is-kissing-my-aunt face?” Kara grimaced. “I mean, I get that she's not _your_ aunt, but... and what makes you think this is a good idea? I want to trust her, I do, but she's hurt you in the past. And I'm pretty sure the DEO wouldn't allow it.”

“Which is why this stays between us. Especially since I'm her biggest advocate right now, and they won't trust my judgment if they so much as suspect that we're close.”

“I'm not sure _I_ trust your judgment right now. We both know that your sense of self-preservation goes right out the window around hot women.” Kara made a face. “Ugh, I can't believe you made me refer to my own aunt as 'hot'.”

“Kara, that's not fair.” It stung that Kara would bring her disastrous past relationships into this.

“Look, I'm sorry, but you know that it's true.”

It _was_ true, and that was the worst part of it. In college, Alex had taken stupid risks more than once for girlfriends—or even just girls she liked—and stayed with one several months after it became clear to everyone else that the relationship was far from healthy.

The few friends who had stuck with Alex through the end of that relationship and the spiral that had followed insisted that it wasn't her fault. That anyone could be manipulated, tricked, made to feel less than (her mind shied away from the term _emotional abuse_ ), and still stay in the relationship. That her feelings were valid, whether she still loved her... her ex, or not. Whether or not she could ever forgive her. Whether or not she even wanted to try.

But telling herself that didn't mean that she believed it. And it definitely didn't mean she trusted her own judgment around dating. Part of her, foolishly, had hope that Kara would assure her that everything would be okay, but that clearly wasn't happening. Even Kara wasn't that trusting, not after what Astra had done.

“Yes,” she said flatly. “It's true.”

Kara suddenly seemed to realize what she had implied, her hand flying up to cover her mouth, her eyes widening with guilt and horror. “Oh, Rao, Alex, I really didn't mean to remind you of that. I am so, so sorry. That wasn't a matter of judgment, it wasn't your fault, I know that. And for what it's worth, I don't think Astra would do anything like that to you.”

“No, you're just worried about her attacking me,” said Alex sourly. Kara's worry wasn't unreasonable, but the reminder of her past relationships had put her in a bad mood.

“No, I... I don't know what I'm worried about. Look, I'll try not to interfere when you're sparring, but I can't not worry about you, okay? I'd worry no matter who you dated.”

“I know.” Alex sighed. _This isn't why I came here._ “Kara, I think you should talk with her.”

Kara bit her lip, looked down at the floor. “I wouldn't know what to say.”

“You haven't seen her as much as I have, these last few weeks. She's lonely, Kara, though she'll never admit it. She misses you.” Alex could see that Kara had tears in her eyes, though for the moment she was managing to blink them away. “She regrets not being there, when you first got here. I told her she still had time. To know you. I...” _Crud._ “ Please don't be mad.”

Kara blinked away some more tears and met Alex's eyes, frowning. “Why?”

“I told her a story from when we were kids. The time you saved those people from the car crash. Maybe I should have asked you first.”

“It's fine. Just don't tell her anything really embarrassing.” Kara's tone was lighter, joking now, but she still looked sad.

“What, you mean like the time you panicked and almost lazered the popcorn maker? Or the time you fell asleep at an assembly and when you woke up you said something in Kryptonese but the teacher thought you were insulting him-”

“Maybe I _was_ insulting him. He was kind of mean.”

“-or maybe the time you got so nervous trying to talk to your crush that you broke the water fountain and it looked like you'd wet yourself?”

“Alex!” The outrage seemed to snap Kara out of her sad mood.

“Just talk to her and then I won't have to tell her these stories.” Alex grinned.

“Blackmail? That's low.”

“Blackmail and bribes, remember? The ice cream's still in your freezer. Unless you don't want it anymore?”

“I want it, I want it.” Kara frowned as though she were considering it carefully, but Alex was almost certain the answer would be yes. “I'll visit her tomorrow, if nothing comes up.”

“That's all I ask,” said Alex, smiling as a weight seemed to lift from her shoulders.

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, what was supposed to be a little, moderately smutty fic got away from me, so I decided to make it a multi-chapter work.


End file.
